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Abuse of any kind is difficult to deal with. Types of verbal abuse can include the following:
- Does your loved one ignore your feelings?
- Is he disrespectful?
- Does he withhold approval, appreciation or affection?
- Does he walk away without answering you?
- Does he criticize you, call you names or yell at you?
- Does he humiliate you in public or in the privacy of your home?
- Does he tell you that you are too sensitive?
- Does he destroy furniture or punch holes in the walls?
These
are some of the signs, but there are many more that may be observed.
Abuse is difficult to deal with if the abuser has Alzheimer’s disease
since the abuser can’t really control it.
If
a person with Alzheimer’s becomes verbally abusive, it may be because
he is suffering from depression or aggressive behavior caused by the
disease. In this case you might want to involve your doctor and let him
know the situation. He may be able to prescribe an anti-depressive
medication or simply change the current medication. You may want to take
a break from your loved one, as sometimes caring all the time for the
same person can be exhausting. Or you can try to place your loved one in
an adult day care, or hire some professional help. Make sure that
substitute caregivers are knowledgeable about Alzheimer’s disease and
know how to handle patients with dementia.
One
way to deal with the situation before it becomes a big problem is to
try humor. You cannot control how your loved one is acting but you can
decrease the feelings of frustration by controlling how you respond. Try
to validate your loved one’s feelings; it will definitely help him.
Many times, people with Alzheimer’s are so frustrated that they act it
out through verbal abuse and aggression. Put yourself in his place. It
is very frustrating!
The
most important thing you have to remember is not to talk “down” to your
loved one because he is still a person with an entire life history of
success and independence. If you see that what you are trying to do or
say to him is not working, just let it go for a while, step out of the
room and come back later. Let your loved one calm down and relax. You
may want to try music. Studies have shown that Alzheimer’s patients
often find music relaxing.
Finally,
if you still feel overwhelmed, join a support group that specifically
deals with verbal abuse and learn how to cope with it. Many times other
people in the group will have experienced the same ordeal with their
loved ones. Group members may be able to counsel you on how they coped
or dealt with this kind of behavior.
This
group will also help you to deal with your emotions and frustrations.
They will tell you how to control them, and once you are able to deal
with your own feelings, then you will be more effective coping with your
loved one’s behavior.
William G. Hammond, JD is a nationally
known elder law attorney and founder of The Alzheimer’s Resource
Center. He is a frequent guest on radio and television and has developed
innovative solutions to guide families who have a loved one suffering
from Alzheimer’s. For more information you can visit his website at www.BeatAlzheimers.com.
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